Day 222-Growth

Hey guys,

     It's hard to believe that we've been here for over SIX MONTHS. Moving has brought a lot of tears, homesickness, and just sadness, but it has also given me the opportunity to grow, to discover the person that God is calling me to be, to unleash my FULL potential, and to succeed. No disrespect to Wheaton, I love you all, and I couldn't ask for a greater place to call home, I loved growing up in Wheaton, but growing up in Wheaton also had its drawbacks. If you knew my brother well, you know that he was basically a child prodigy from day 1, he excelled at everything and anything he put his mind to, and I so wanted that, I was always one of those kids that is THIS CLOSE to being exceptional, I was the kid that scores a 95% instead of 100, and that was hard. Especially because of the fact that we were so close in age, all my teachers remembered him(of course), see that I was related to him, and expect perfection, I was expected to follow in his footsteps and blow them out of the water. I am definitely my own biggest critic, and an intense perfectionist, so every time I failed, it just cut deeper and deeper in my heart, even as early as middle school, I had convinced myself and I truly believed that I wasn't EVER going to measure up, I wouldn't ever be good enough, I would be a disappointment. That hurts. After he died, I held tight to the fact that he believed in me, he was proud of me, and he knew, eventually, I would get to my dreams, despite my brothers faith in me, and the lingering memories of his encouragement, his death spread like a wild-fire, and soon EVERYONE knew just how special my brother was. I'm not saying that that's a bad thing, I love how special and talented my brother was, I just hated being seen as nothing more than Graham's little sister, or the girl who had an amazing big brother. When we left Wheaton, quite honestly, had no idea what God had planned for my life, what I was being called to do, where I was being called to do it, or why God would choose to take my perfect brother, yet leave me, the one with what looked like nothing to offer. I felt inadequate not only educationally, but musically, but at the same time, I never let my dreams out of my sight. When we moved here, it was a clean slate, no one knew my history, no one was comparing me to my brother, it felt like this was my time to finally step OUT of my brother's shadow and show the world(and myself for that matter!), what I'm capable of. Since moving, I have changed, grown, matured, healed, and discovered who I really am, who God is calling me to be, and what I am capable of. Quite honestly, I have surprised myself, in my grades, in my musicality, and just in my maturity. If you had told me six months ago what was about to happen in my life, I would NEVER believe you, because the maturity, faithfulness, happiness, academic performance, and just my character was not reflective of the person I was six months ago, and I am so grateful for that. Everyday, I am being given new opportunities and chances to excel, I'm proving to myself and to my family and friends that I DO have what it takes, and I never cease to be amazed. I know that the person I am today isn't me at all, but rather, it's Christ living IN me, it's HIS holy power making itself prevalent in my life, and I am so blessed. 

<3 Always,
Rose