Hey guys,
My personality is sorta strange. I have the side of me when I am out with friends, I can be bubbly, outgoing, and happy. But then there is the side of me when I'm working on an assignment or a chore or anything of that sort. I can be INCREDIBLY perfectionistic, and I am very conscious to what other people say about it. Growing up, I was the youngest for most of my life, and I really struggled to live up to my older siblings. My sister, she is incredibly talented in art and music and also was very, very smart growing up. My brother, he basically blew everyone out of the water with his intelligent and logical way of thinking, and his AMAZING musical skills. And then there was me. Born with all sorts of ear problems, and having ADHD and anxiety, my parents KNEW that I would be different, but I didn't. I watched my siblings excel at basically everything, and then when I got to school, I couldn't understand WHY I wasn't excelling like they were. As I got older, I obviously learned that I was different from my siblings, but I still strived to be the best at everything I did. I remember several different student-teacher conferences where the teacher basically said, "Your daughter is extraordinarily smart, for what she has to deal with..." That right there broke my heart. The perfectionist in me has always thought, "Well, that's good, but it's not good ENOUGH." I always wondered if I would have been able to follow in my siblings footsteps if I didn't have my ADHD and anxiety and ear issues. I knew in my heart of hearts that there was nothing I could do about it, and I WAS giving 110%, but at the same time, I constantly felt like that wasn't enough. All of this resulted in a middle school girl who was not confident in herself at all, and really wasn't happy with herself. I remember sitting in classes just thinking over and over again, "don't call on me, don't call on me!" because I was convinced that I would make a fool out of myself if they did. Looking back now, honestly, I probably DID know the answer, and could have answered but that was how low my self esteem was. Around the same time, I started music classes. I remember one day in music class sitting there tapping my pencil, when the teacher abruptly got up and said, "Rose Stevens, come see me after class." After the class was over, he told me that he had really been impressed with my sense of rhythm and pitch precision, and asked me to join the chorus. It was this day that really changed my outlook on life. I began in chorus, not because I wanted to be the best, not to live up to my siblings, but to do what I truly and genuinely loved! Throughout late middle school and into present day, I have learned so much about myself, but the biggest thing I've learned is that I AM perfect in God's eyes, just the way I am. If the people on earth can't see that, then that's their problem. God created me in the womb KNOWING that I would have many challenges both physically and mentally, but he called me his beloved, I am his DIVINE creation, and heck if it's good enough for God, than it's good enough for my English teacher! I guess what I'm trying to say that I have stood out all my life in a way that I didn't like, I didn't look like my siblings, I certainly didn't have the same challenges my siblings did, but all those things worked together to make me who I am today. So no, I may not have scored a 29 on the ACT, but I am perfect in God's eyes, and THAT is what matters in the long run.
<3 Always,
Rose
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