Days 75 and 76- KEEP ON KEEPIN' ON!

Hey guys,

    So, I gotta be real with y'all(wait...did I really just say that?), these past few days have been rough. From drama with friends, to scam artists, to emotional breakdowns, AND a crazy amount of work to do in preparation for two college midterms next week, it's been insane. There have legitimately been times where I'm just like, wait...IS this a joke?? Like, ARE YOU SERIOUS RIGHT NOW? But I am so blessed and lucky to have a support team to rely on and to encourage me when times get rough. For bible study this week, we are memorizing psalm 27:1 that says this, "The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? The Lord is the defense of my life, whom shall I dread?" For me, the question is not only whom, but WHAT. If you know me well, you know that I am a worrier, I am anxiety personified, I have to have everything in my life planned out, and if it doesn't, I flip out. So, with one college midterm, and another college final(it's an eight week class) around the corner, I have no idea what to expect. I have no idea what I'm getting myself into, but this week, God has just shown me over and over again that he's got it, I don't need to worry. I need to focus on being the best student I can right now, because the tests aren't until next week, so I need to focus on THIS week, and doing the best I can RIGHT NOW, instead of worrying about what's to come. On top of the college exams, it's been very emotional, I have had friend issues back home, I've had a TON of homesickness, and I've had a huge wave of grief just wash over me. That's the thing about homesickness and grief, you can't plan them, they come up completely out of nowhere, and if you don't know what to do, you could come crashing down. Obviously, these emotions could not have come on a WORSE week for me, because I'm struggling as it is to get all my work done to my standards, and now I'm dealing with ridiculously hard emotions on top of everything else. I am so blessed to have a support system. I have my family, I have my friends here, I have my friends back home, and they have been such an encouragement to me these past few days, and I am so glad I could come to them. Above all, I'm blessed because I have GOD, not only do I have GOD, but I have a God who has planned out every single MOMENT of my life, from the minute I wake up, to the minute I fall asleep, he knows what is going to happen, and HE is in control. Jeremiah 29:11, "'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'Plans to prosper you, and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future.'" I would so appreciate prayers this week as I deal with emotions, school work, friends, church activities, and just life in general that I would have the strength and perseverance to "keep on keepin' on"

<3 Always,
Rose

Day 74- WHAT would I do without Adrienne?? Like seriously....

Hey guys,

    So today is a very special day. Today is my youth leader's birthday!!!!!!!!!!! Adrienne is one of the most joyful, fun loving, hilarious, and wonderful people I know, and I am SO glad that God brought us together. Adrienne is also one of the most caring and easy to talk to people, she truly cares about each and every one of her students, middle school OR high school, and I so admire that about her. She spends SO much of her time at various sporting events, driving teens to and from events, planning lessons for Sunday and Wednesday nights, AND taking kids out to just spend one on one time with her students. Isn't that amazing? When we are together, I can't help but smile like 95% of the time, because her happiness and joy is SO contagious. We are so alike in so many different and AWESOME ways, we are very distractible, we are BOTH from the Chicagoland area, we are both super loud and outgoing, we're both musical, and I'm so glad that I have you in my life. There are already been times where I just think...WAIT, what's going to happen next year when I don't live in Lenoir, and get to see Adrienne at least 3 times a week?? Like...seriously, that's craziness. Anyways, I have been working with the high school students for over 2 weeks to try and make this birthday SUPER special for her, and even if I didn't do that, I have no doubt that she knows how much she is loved by me, by the youth group, and by the church as a whole. Adrienne, first Presbyterian is VERY lucky to have you, I love you SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO much :)

<3 Always,
Rose

Day 73- Families are forever :)

Hey guys,

     So, I grew up seeing each side of my extended family once a year...MAYBE. With my Mom's side of the family, it was almost always less than that. It's days like today where we all have the privilege to watch Jack's baseball game as 3 generations of Gatlin's that make my heart smile. It makes me so happy to know that we are in the SAME STATE as *almost* all of my Mom's extended family. Family is truly a precious thing, and it is often taken for granted because you haven't ever lived without it. I know of people who literally, their cousins are their best friends, and growing up, I totally envied them! But now, I can see, even though maintaining friendships and relationships is POSSIBLE over a long distance, that doesn't mean it's easy. I am so happy and blessed to be able to be closer to my family, and I can't wait to watch as the fourth generation of Gatlin's(a.k.a, my second cousins, NO Caroline is NOT pregnant!) grow up and become wonderful and beautiful women :)

<3 Always,
Rose

Day 72- Being a witness!

Hey guys,

   I don't know if you can relate, but for a really long time, I didn't read my bible because I just simply thought, what's the point? These are stories from like a million years ago, and letters some guys wrote to churches also like a million years ago, are they really still applicable to my life today? THE ANSWER IS YES. For about a year and a half now, I have been reading my bible, and I have been so amazed. Not only have friends been able to come to me with real, HARD problems, but I knew exactly what to say, and what scripture verses to show them, and what traits of God that he shows in the bible to remind them of. How awesome is that? I have actually ENJOYED reading the bible! For those of you like me who truly think it's either not applicable to the "modern" life, or that you won't be able to understand it, PRAY. Pray that God will use his word to speak to you, and don't get overwhelmed. Obviously, the bible's a pretty big, and pretty important book, so don't let it scare you off. I started with reading the "classic" bible stories, and yes, if you grew up in the church, I KNOW you've heard them about a million and five times, but reading it, I picked up some stuff that I had never, EVER picked up before, which made me think, hey, maybe God's word is more important than I thought. I can tell you right now, IT IS!!!!!!!!!!!!! The word of God should be and is supposed to be our daily bread, it is supposed to be the guidelines by which we live our lives, it's essentially a self-help book for every problem that you could ever DREAM of having. We have this awesome book at our disposal, why not use it? God didn't just plop us down in a forest somewhere and said "go and multiply", NO! He equipped us with tools to use to go about our daily lives, and do you know what the biggest tool he gives us is? That's right, the BIBLE! The Bible is actually God's WORD, spoken either directly or indirectly, and who are we to say, yeah, I don't think I really NEED the word of God...I think I'll read Twilight instead! YOU. NEED. IT!!!! God is God, he flipping created you! Don't you think he would probably have a few words of wisdom for ya?

<3 always,
Rose

Day 71- Yay for events!!

Hey guys,

    So, today has been one of those days that are CRAZY busy, like I was home for MAYBE 45 minutes today...but I loved every minute of it. I was able to take my schoolwork to the library, so I had a nice and quiet place to work, and was actually able to get everything I needed to get done done today! Then I came home, changed clothes ate, and headed back out, this time, for bible study! After bible study, a group of us went to go cheer on the JV football game at Hibriten, and they won!!!( South should learn from them...) Anyways, I had a day filled with joy, laughs, cookout, friends, God, and football, what else could I need honestly?

<3 Always,
Rose

Day 70-FINALLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hey Guys,

    So, today marked the end of an era for me and my family...the END of my drivers permit phase, and HAVING A LISCENSE!!!!!!!!!!!!! I have essentially been trying for three YEARS to get my license, and the day has finally come!! I am so beyond excited to finally have that freedom that I worked so hard for, and I am beyond ecstatic to finally be able to DRIVE MYSELF PLACES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :)

<3 always,
Rose

Day 69-Crafty things!

Hey guys!

Sorry I couldn't post last night, our internet has been really funky recently, so it wouldn't let me. Anyways, yesterday my friend came over, and we worked on a surprise that we've been brainstorming about for a couple weeks now. We are both so excited to unveil what we've been doing, but alas, it's not time yet! Anyways, we both had a really fun time getting to know each other, and working together to make this surprise as wonderful as it could be. I was surprised to see that she is JUST as crafty and creative as I am, only she has even more craft supplies that I could ever dream of having! So we went a little crazy with craft stuff yesterday night, but it turned out fantastic, and I can't wait to be able to show everyone what we've been up to!

<3 Always,
Rose

Day 68-Soccer games!

Hey guys,

    So, today I was invited last minute to go with some friends to watch a soccer game that some of our friends were playing in, we had a blast. It feels so good to know I'm making connections and friends here!

<3 Always,
Rose

Day 67- God's Provisions

Hey all,

      Today was one of those days that was really, truly HARD to find something to be happy about. Last night, I sprained my ankle, and because of the pain, got about 4 hours of sleep. I basically spent all day today in fairly immense pain, and in prayer.

     Ankle ligaments, and ankles themselves are a bit like rubber bands. Once they get stretched out once, they won't ever be exactly the same. Each time someone sprains or breaks their ankle, the ligaments become a little bit more stretched out. All of my life, I have had chronic ankle problems, I had my first sprain when I was 9, and in the last 10 years, I have had 14 more sprains and 2 breaks, so when I mess up my ankle, it scares me. Because of the fact that ankle ligaments never fully repair themselves, there is a surgery to try and "repair" the ligaments, only it is not a permanent fix, it is something that would probably have to be done over and over again. I remember the last time I did anything to my ankle, the doctor told my Dad and I after I had healed that he wouldn't consider surgery because I was so young(I was 17 at the time), but if it happened again, we may have to start seriously considering surgery. Now THAT, is scary. Especially knowing that it's not a permanent fix, and I AM 19 years old. I've already had at most 12 surgeries, and if it turns out that I have done more than just sprain it, that number might go up pretty quickly.

    So, I spent a lot of today just stressing about it, and worrying about how would my parents pay for it, how would this affect me long term, stuff like that. I am the kind of person that even though I KNOW, it's not my job to worry about how my parents would pay for my surgery, or my cast, or whatever is needed, I'm going to do it anyway, that's just who I am. I spent most of this afternoon fairly miserable, obviously I was in a lot of pain, but more than that, I was stressing, and I was lonely. I wanted to be able to go to youth group, or to go to play outside with the boys, but at the same time I know, this is a very crucial stage. I need to let my ankle heal itself, because the more weight and pressure I put on it when I know I shouldn't, is not only delaying the healing process, but it could also mean the difference between surgery, and no surgery.

    I'm sure a lot of you are wondering right now, what does all of this have to do with being happy? As I sat in the basement, with worries and doubts and pain, and loneliness, God reminded me of one of my favorite songs, the chorus says this, "The waves are calling out my name and the laugh at me, reminding me of all the times I've tried before and failed. And the Giant keeps on telling me, time and time again, 'Boy, you can never win, you can never win!' But The Voice of Truth, tells me a different story, and The Voice of Truth, says 'do not be afraid', and the Voice of Truth, says 'this is for MY GLORY', out of all the voices calling out to me, I will choose to listen and believe The Voice of Truth." This song was such a great reminder to me this afternoon, that no matter what happens, whether I get surgery or not, whether it's broken or not, it's all in God's control, and in God's perfect plan. What a comfort it is to know that! Sometimes, it takes the really dark days to make the light at the end of that tunnel seem that much brighter, and sometimes when you are the most fragile and broken down, that is when you need God the most, Amen?

Beautiful in all it's imperfections

<3 Always,

Rose

Day 66- Hosting our first party!

Hey guys,

    So, today, I am happy because we as a family have finally gotten to host our first party here in North Carolina. It is slowly but surely beginning to feel more and more like home for me, and it's events like tonight that make me think, "Ok, we can do this, after all, it's really not THAT bad..." ;) We are blessed to be able to have our friends from our old church move to Morganton(about 45 minutes away) only 3-4 MONTHS before my parents told me we were moving. They were there when we got here, they have visited many times, they have offered for us to come up to their lake house multiple times(which is a HUGE undertaking!), and they really have made this adjustment period so much easier for me, and for my family. The second family we had was Adrienne, the youth leader at our church that I work with, and her husband Dave. Ironically, they ALSO originated from not only the Chicago area, but from the WHEATON area, talk about small worlds, huh? Anyways, these two families have blessed us immensely, from Adrienne "strong-arming" me into the youth group, and taking me out to lunch or coffee and genuinely wanting to get to know ME, to Linda, my youth leader from my old church remembering tonight that I am allergic to eggs, and providing chocolates for me, in substitution of the brownies she'd made for dessert. Thank you so much to the William's family, and the Gerig Family, and to the many other people here that we have met and begun to form relationships with!

<3 always,
Rose

Day 65-The Story of Ruth

Hey guys!

     I want to start off this post with a scripture passage. Philippians 4:8 reads, "Finally brothers, whatever is noble, what ever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable, if anything is excellent or praise-worthy, think on these things." Not only is this one of my favorite passages in the bible, but it is also a great reminder. Not only is it saying not to sin, but it is also saying, don't even THINK about sinning. It says "think on these things" because we all know that the minute we stop thinking on those things, we will start thinking about sin.

     Currently, I am doing a bible study with the high school students on the book of Ruth, and I have never read about someone in the bible who honors Philippians 4:8 to a T as much as she does. I don't know about you, but I really didn't know much about Ruth going into this study, I could remember reading Ester over and over again growing up(what Christian little girl can resist a BIBLICAL princess story??), but I couldn't remember Ruth. Ruth shows over and over again in this story her faith in God, and her obedience to God. Essentially, Ruth's husband dies, and instead of going back to her homeland to live with her mother, she decides to go back to her mother-in-law's homeland, and live and serve her. Let's stop and think for a second, I know for me, if I had the chance to go back and live in Wheaton where all my friends and church is, I would be like, "Forget this, I'm GONE." No offense to anyone in North Carolina, but Wheaton is my HOME, and North Carolina isn't quite my home...yet. Anyways, Ruth was essentially faced with a similar situation, either go back home, with your family, your friends, and your LIFE, or go to a place where you know no one. The faith it must have taken to take that leap into the unknown is astounding to me! Fast-forwarding a few chapters, after Ruth has only been there for a short time, in Ruth 3:11, Ruth's relative, Boaz says this, "And now, my daughter, do not be afraid. I will do for you all that you ask. All my fellow townsmen know that you are a women of EXCELLENCE." Ruth has been here a few days, MAYBE, no one knows who she is, or where she came from, but they DO know that she is a woman of EXCELLENCE. Being called a women of excellence is a big deal, but being called a women of excellence by someone who has known you for a few days, MAYBE? That, tells you something about Ruth's character.
        All throughout the book of Ruth, Ruth carries herself with honor, honesty, love towards others, and above all others, the way she carries herself is CONSTANTLY honoring to God. It is such a great passage for young Christians to read, especially girls. Ruth gives her trust completely to God, and God provides! Ruth is an example for all Christians of how to love others, how to love spouses, how to love extended family, and most of all, how to honor God when it's not always easy. I am so inspired by Ruth's unwavering faith, and I hope one day that I too will be seen as "a women of EXCELLANCE."

Day 64- The Thankfullness Song

Hey guys,

    So, for those of you who have grown up in the church, you KNOW that there is a thankfulness song, and you KNOW you know the words. I woke up this morning to hear my 8 year old brother singing from the other room, "I thank God for this day, for the sun in the sky, for my Mom and my Dad, for my piece of apple pie. For our home on the ground, for His love that's all around, that's why I say thanks everyday! Because a thankful heart is a happy heart, I thank God for what I have and that's an easy way to start. For the love that He shares, 'cause he listens to our prayers, that's why I say thanks everyday!" What a way to wake up, right? It just got me thinking, why should we need a specific reason to be happy each day? Why does something HAVE to happen to make us grateful? Shouldn't we WAKE UP grateful? Don't we realize that we as humans are indeed God's chosen people, and we should be grateful for that? As corny as this song is, and as annoying as it may be to someone who has heard it probably A MILLION times, it teaches kids, and reminds teens and adults. Be thankful, just because! Be thankful to have God, and to have a family. After all, what else is going to matter? Are the number of cars we have going to effect our entering to heaven? How about the clothes we wear? Or the grades we make in school? Or whether or not we're going to go to college? All of these things are relative to the society we live in, it won't matter when our days on Earth are done.
     Students today in particular are pressured in many different ways, they must wear the right clothes, do the "cool" things(even if YOU know it's not right), say things a certain way, act a certain way, but the biggest thing for me is they must preform a certain way. Simply "giving it your all" isn't enough any more. Students are CONSTANTLY put up against each other and compared to one another. So much pressure is put on them, basically from middle school until they finish college, that they must get good grades, there is NO other option. If you think about it, a diploma, even from Stanford or Yale is still, JUST A PIECE OF PAPER. It does not define who you are, it does not define your life. I'm not saying that students should just stop trying, but here's what I am saying, if you had two students that were each trying there best on a project, is it really fair to give one student an A, and one a C? What do you think that does to a person's self esteem? I can understand giving a C if it is obvious that the student simply doesn't care or didn't try, but if a student truly tried their hardest, and put a lot of time and effort into a project, who are we to say that this child's best isn't as good as the child before him? We are all humans, and therefore, we are NOT perfect, so instead of constantly striving for perfection that we KNOW we will never achieve, why don't we strive to do better, to give it our best and to learn from our mistakes? Schools put such an emphasis on perfection that anything less than the best grade isn't acceptable, meaning 99% of students are deemed "unacceptable" by school standards, but in reality, THAT'S unacceptable. 1 Corinthians 10:31 says, "So whether you eat, drink, or whatever you do, do it for the glory of God."(NIV) I believe that we as students, and as humans need to worry about pleasing ONE authority, and that is the ONE authority that determines your future.
     So, in summary, be happy for your chance to be ALIVE, be happy for your chance to live FOR GOD, but do not become so immersed in this world that you forget what a blessing it is to even be LIVING TODAY!
<3 Always,
Rose

Day 63- SO.MANY.THINGS!

Hey guys,

    So today was probably JUST as awesome as yesterday was, but for different reasons. First, I spent most of my day with my Grandma teaching me how to sew. She was so very patient with me when I had NO idea what I was doing, and may or may not have accidentally thrown out the pattern for one of the pieces....yeah....

     Also, my friend and I are planning! I can't say what for, and I can't say when, but I CAN say that it's going to be EPIC, and it involves post its....any guesses? IF YOU KNOW, DON'T SAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Anyways, there's lots of excitement going around today, so I'm kinda bouncing off the walls...(like, more than normal...)

<3 Always
Rose

Day 62-Soccer Games and Skype dates!

Hey guys,

    So, today was a funfilled, jam-packed day, the kind of days when it gets to like 10:30 at night and you're just like, HOW am I still standing? Jack had his first soccer game today, and we were able to wrangle up quite a cheering section, Mom, Dad, Aedon, Shane, Elliot, my former youth leader Linda, and my youth leader NOW Adrienne, and I ALL came to support Jack, and I guess you could say it worked, because Jack scored the team's first goal :)

     After the game, I came home to Skype with Rachel, and BOY. Did I ever miss that gorgeous face! Something about SEEING people face to face rather than talking over the phone or texting, it means so much more, and it makes you so much happier.

    Today was a very happy day in the life of Rose, but it was also a very exhausting day, so I am so ready to head off to bed!
<3 Always,
Rose

Day 61- My brother

Hey all,

    So, I know you all probably THINK you know the story behind Graham, but a lot of you probably don't. My brother was so much MORE than a brother to me, he was truly my BEST FRIEND. We were 22 months apart, and before he got "too cool to hang out with family" we did everything together. My brother was my bodyguard. I remember one morning in First grade, I was terrified to walk to school because I KNEW that the kids would be waiting for me to tease and bully me. Graham looked straight at me and said, "If they want to get to you, they've gotta go through me." He spent the rest of the time it took to walk to school that day assuring me that they were just jealous, that they were just trying to get to me, and I was better than that. When we got to school, there was a "gang" of 7 year olds waiting for me, and my brother took my hand and told me, "I'll take care of this." And that he did. Everyday after that, they didn't DARE bother me. One day though, Graham was home sick. I was so mortified walking to school that day, but do you know what happened? Graham's BEST FRIEND stood up for me. Apparently Graham had been talking about this all year and his friend could see, Graham wasn't there that day, so he took it upon himself to make sure I felt safe. THAT is the kind of guy my brother was.

    My brother and I were very similar, in one way in particular, we both had the unquenchable thirst for music. I cannot tell you how many times I would have a bad day at school, or he would have a bad day at school, or either one of us were stressed, and he'd pick up his guitar, walk out to the firepit in our back yard and say, "Hey, let's sing about it, OK?" My brother(unlike many other brothers and they younger sisters) enjoyed spending time with me as we both got older, he enjoyed our deep and philosophical talks as we would drive home from youth group in high school. Most importantly, he supported me. He supported me when I didn't believe in myself, my parents didn't believe in me, and my teachers didn't believe in me. I remember one night when I was in sixth grade, my Mom had let it slip that they had told me I could get a phone if I got straight A's, and Graham(who didn't have a phone yet) was shocked. To prevent a fight, my Dad quickly added, "But that will never happen." I watched the expression on Graham's face instantly turn from shock to ANGER. I was bawling, and Graham put his hand on me and said, "He didn't mean it.", looked at my Dad and said, "How DARE you!", took my hand and led me out of the room. THAT is the kind of guy that he was. The kind of guy that, even when his OWN gain was at stake, would stick up for me.

    My brother is the REASON I have Jesus today. He is the one that told me about Jesus when I was 4 years old(yes, that meant he was 6...but he was a VERY philosophical 6 year old!), and helped me pray and ask Jesus into my heart. If it wasn't for him, I don't know if I would even be a Christian today, odds are I probably would be, but there is no way I could tell. As we both entered high school, my brother pushed and pushed me to "dig deeper" into my faith, but I resisted. Partly, it was because I just felt like the bible was so above what I could understand, that it would be useless to even try, and also because at the time, I was in 9th grade, he was a Junior, and I honestly felt like, we both have our entire lives ahead of us, what's the rush? Little did I know, he had less than two years.

     My brother was more than just a brother, he was a security guard, my supporter, my accompanist in every concert I could have my own, he was my spiritual mentor, but above all, he was my BEST FRIEND. I know that this sort of connection between a brother and a sister so close in age is very rare, and I am so happy to have the brother I had. Even though I didn't get to have him for very long, if I could choose between him and any other older brother in the world, I would choose him again, NO. CONTEST. No matter how hard LOOSING him was, it doesn't even BEGIN to compare to the joy his smile always brought me, the encouraging notes he'd leave in my lunchbox when it finally came time for me to face elementary school without him, and the many songs we've sung together. I love you Grammy, I miss you more that words can describe, but I am SO blessed to have SUCH an outstanding brother, and I know you are in Heaven, smiling down on me tonight. Save me a spot in the choir!

He's always got my back :)

<3 Always,

Rose

Day 60-being a leader...(wait...WHAT?)

Hey guys!

    So the day has come, I just got home from my FIRST official youth meeting as a leader, and I lead a small group discussion and everything! Amazingly enough, not only was I able to stay focused on what we were supposed to do, but I also was able to keep THEM(relatively) focused. Mission: ACCOMPLISHED! Seriously, I had NO idea what I was doing going in, so I am very proud of myself and just happy that it worked out well. I am so looking forward to forming relationships with all the students, and spending a stellar year together! I am so blessed to have found a church where our family just fits right in, I so naturally fit into the youth group, made friends, and felt comfortable, which is a MAJOR blessing for me. Ever since 6th grade, I have LOVED going to youth, so leaving our church has been a BIG step for me, because it was such a big part of who I was, and of who I am today. But God provided for me almost immediately, and brought me to a church that embraced me and my family, no matter how unique our family story, they embraced us :)

<3 Always,
Rose

Day 59-Superwoman

Hey guys,

     So, I'm kinda spoiled in the sense that not only do I have an older sister, but I also have 4 older cousins who I know I can turn to when I need it. Tonight, I'm going to blog about ONE of those amazing cousins, not because she's any better than the rest, but I feel a real and strong connection to her. Clara basically lived her childhood essentially NOT ever seeing the cousins on her Mom's side, she is seven years older than my sister, and my sister is five years older than me, so Clara and I are twelve years apart. Also, we grew up 17 hours away from each other. Nonetheless, from the time I met her at 7 years old, she made an impact on me and I made a place for her in my heart. In fifth grade, I even wrote a poem about her, and we mailed it to her(I hope you still have it....because we forgot to make a copy....)! Anyways, although we grew up apart from each other and have really only seen each other 3 times that I can remember, we have always had a connection.

    Two years ago, that connection deepened immensely, when we found out that she had brain cancer. I have seen time and time again, that when you experience struggles and hardships, it also brings you closer to your family. I am so blessed to have her as a cousin, and I am so grateful for that fact. It would have been easy for us to have no connection with our extended family because of the distance, but on BOTH sides of the family, my parents made an effort to be involved as much as they could. Every year since I was a baby, we would drive down to Kansas City to spend Thanksgiving with my dad's family, rain, snow, sleet, hail, we NEVER missed a year. I have so many fond memories of sitting around the thanksgiving table with all my family and eating and talking, and just enjoying ourselves.

    I am grateful for all my cousins, but this post is about CLARA, so I'm going to talk about CLARA. Clara reminds me a lot of myself, I see the determination and strong headedness that I have and finally realize...so it IS genetic! We are both incredibly creative and artsy, I always thought I'd gotten it from my Dad(he majored in art), but then I have like NO skills at drawing anything, so it confused me, but now I see! Clara's personality is JUST as quirky and funky as mine, which I can see is a Gatlin trait, it is in my sister, me, Clara, and her two sisters. But we are each an individual, we are quirky and funky in a way that no one else is, but we compliment each other perfectly. Clara has unending energy(YES, exactly like me...), no matter how many errands she has to run, how many misplaced pairs of shoes she had to find that morning, how many CRAZY blonde curls she had to brush out, she never seems to let that bother her, she always does her best to be positive about each and every situation, and I love that about her. I love how much time and devotion she puts into everything she does, whether it's friends, family, work, cooking, and keep in mind, SHE IS ALSO FIGHTING CANCER!! Is that amazing, or what? She is legitimately like super woman, dealing with about a million different things, but at the same time, she finds time to love her daughters, her husband, her sisters, her parents, her step-dad, AND, her cousins!

    Clara, you are indeed a force to be reckoned with, you are strong, powerful, beautiful and AMAZING in every way possible. I love you, and I am proud to have you as a cousin and to get to BE your cousin, you will never cease to bring a smile to my face, and I LOVE that about you!
<3 Always,
Rose

Day 58- Happiness for Happiness sake.

Hey friends,

     For my dear friend Emily Trowbridge, September 12th isn't just the day after September 11th. For her, it is a day of sadness, a day of loss, a day of grief, and a day where she has a choice. She can let that grief consume her, or she can hold her head high, knowing that she CAN rejoice in the resurrection.

    I met Emily almost exactly a year ago, when I was deep in the trenches of my own grieving, and no matter how my friends tried to help, the truth is, that they didn't KNOW what I was feeling. And then came Emily...throughout the course of my senior year, she loved me and cared about me soo much, she not only climbed down into the trenches of grief that were consuming me, and showed me that God was there too, not only that, but God never LEFT me.

    It breaks my heart to know that today is a day of sadness for Emily, a day that she prepares herself for every year. I wish so much that I could wrap my arms around her and just tell her how beautiful, strong, smart, and AMAZING she is on this horrible day, but I can't. I can't be there like she was for me, I can't hold her hand as she cries today, and it makes my heart so heavy.

    Here's what I can do, I can talk about how much this girl means to me, I can pray for her from afar, and I can type this post knowing that eventually it will be seen by her, and know that she is loved. Emily, where do I even start? You are so strong, you have been through so much, and I know how easy it would have been for you to just give up, but you didn't, you powered through, and you continue to power through. You are a godly example of grief and loss for me, and for others around you. You live your life in such a God-honoring, and scripture driven way that those around you stop and stare in awe. You are an encouragement to others, your laugh and your smile simply light up any room you walk into. You are smart, the kind of smart that I reserve for only Graham, you and Rachel. You are beautiful, you are God's creation, you are perfect in his eyes. Above all, you are a hero. Life gave you incredible struggles and challenges, and you are not only overcoming them, but you are overcoming them with grace, with godliness, with wisdom, with kindness, with Joy, and with love.

My Hero

My hero is brave,
but she didn't fight a war.
My hero weathered the waves,
and stood through life's downpour.

My hero stood her ground,
through all the sadness and grief,
rising above the other voices was her JOYOUS sound,
grief would not steal her joy like a thief,

Instead, she powered through, and never lost her smile.
She knew the Devil delights in this, but she would not let him win,
she knew her joy would never cease to drive the Devil wild.
So, even on the worst days, she'd smile and hold up her chin.

My hero is a soldier,
though she would say, "that's silly",
there could be no one bolder,
than my one and only Emily.

I love you Em, and I'm praying for you today and always!
<3 Always,
Rose

Day 57- Proud to be an American.

Hey guys,

    For those of us who can remember it, 9/11 will always be a day that we will honor and remember the soldiers who died for us. For me, I was six years old, but I still remember being in Kindergarten and the secretary came over the loud speaker to tell us all what just happened. I have no idea HOW the teacher managed to keep a classroom full of 5 and 6 year olds from having a full-on meltdown, but she did.

     10 years later, I had the privilege and the HONOR to see where the twin towers stood, and the flame that burns in honor of those who died on that horrible day. We saw a memorial of each and every persons name written in stone of those who sacrificed their lives for the safety and protection of others. It really opened my heart and my mind and made me aware of the great, GREAT cost our country has paid to have the freedom we have today. So, although today is not a happy day, I am happy to be living in a country that has so much freedom. Unfortunately, the same day I went and saw the memorial, was also the first time I heard comments of hate towards the Muslims.

    As Christians, we are called to love our neighbors. In order to do that, we must first KNOW our neighbors and know what they believe. Sadly when many of us hear the word Muslim, Islamic, or extremist, we think of 9/11. I have always found that interesting because we as Americans have also participated in our own extremist group, the KKK. I know, this may seem incredibly hurtful and insulting, but bear with me. Most of you reading this were not alive during the time that the KKK were around, but for those of you that did, did you stand against it? Did you ask your friends and family why this was ok? Did you even think what they were doing was wrong? I am guessing that most of you would answer no to these questions. I'm not saying that you YOURSELF participated in it, but as a country, we DID take part in this awful thing. I guess what I'm trying to say is that so many people react negatively when they hear the word muslim or Islamic or extremist because they relate it to 9/11, but before judging them, think to yourself, are you really that much better than they are? Obviously, we don't all go around crashing planes into other nations buildings, but if you look at the underlying meaning for WHY this happened in the first place, we really are NOT any better then they are. So, why did these extremists do this? They did it because they had a strong hatred for Americans. So, we in turn, now have a strong hatred towards them. Think about it, yes, 9/11 was a tragic and terrible thing that killed hundreds maybe even thousands of people, but how many MORE Iraquis and Muslims did we kill in the war that followed 9/11?

    It upsets me SO much when I hear people make hateful comments about Muslims, especially if they're Christians. I am blessed to have the classical education background, so I have studied many world religions in depth, and Muslim culture is one of them. Not only does the Muslim religion stress peace, but their government does their best to actually ENFORCE peace. Obviously, the particular event of 9/11 did not exhibit their ability to do that, but those pilots and hijackers on the planes that day were considered extremists. According to Dictionary.com, the word Extremist is defined as, "a person who goes to EXTREMES, especially in political matters, or a supporter or advocate of extreme doctrines or practices." Because even we Americans cannot deny that these men were in fact extremists, it is unfair and a sign of our lack of religious knowledge to assume that all Muslims are like this. Muslims do their best to retain a PEACEFUL government, when in the HECK have we done that? When we're not out on the battlefield fighting, there is lying and deception within our own government, with all of this in mind, who are WE to judge? I know we have all seen a person of color on the streets and passed judgment on them, even if it WAS in our minds. I know that we as Americans do not want to tolerate any Muslims, but think about it, we are judging them, because of what they did to us, because they were judging us...so we are essentially doing the same thing. Imagine if, by some miracle, one of those extremists converted to Christianity, do you REALLY think he is less likely to get into Heaven because he took part in 9/11? Do you REALLY think that God would just be like, "Oh, you're one of the suicide bombers, you have to go to Hell..."? Because I certainly don't! What I'm trying to say is that Muslims are PEOPLE, they are human just like me, and just like you. They did this terrible thing because they hated us, just like we now hate them, so we have NO right to judge them, NONE AT ALL because when it comes down to it, ALL Christians will enter the kingdom of God, regardless of whether they grew up Muslim, Islamic, Quaker, Hindu, or a freaking Polar Bear, God loves us all, and we should too! Rant. Over.
<3 Always,
Rose

Day 56-Sunsets

Hey guys,

    So tonight, we had a community dinner as a church, followed by youth group times, bible studies, and choir rehearsal(so basically Collide for all you Blanchardites reading this), and after we got out of youth group, Adrienne(my AWESOME youth leader) and I were talking, and all the sudden, she grabs me and starts bolting for the door. Lucky we ran, because we got to see the MOST gorgeous sunset ever!!! It was so special for me to sit there in the parking lot, and see Gods magnificent beauty displayed and getting to enjoy it with one of my sisters in Christ made it that much more magical for me.

    The power of God is displayed SO many times in the bible, but one of my favorite verses that does this is Job 9:7-9 "Who commands the Sun not to shine, And sets a seal upon the stars; Who alone stretches out the Heavens and tramples down the waves of the sea?" I love this passage, so much. It is almost teasing mankind, like did YOU do that?....Oh wait....that was ME! It just does a great job illustrating how AWESOME and POWERFUL our God really is, yet at the same time, he cares about each and every one of us. He didn't HAVE to create Humans in the first place, he didn't HAVE to let them continue to live after the fall, he could've literally wiped mankind off the face of the Earth without even batting an eye! So, why didn't he? He didn't because he loves us THAT much, he sent his ONLY son to DIE, so that we as filthy and sinful humans can live in paradise.

     Seeing this sunset was a great reminder of who God really is. No matter how crazy, chaotic, hard, stressful, or sad our lives are, God is STILL there, and if he is there, than you can be sure that there IS a reason for our sufferings. As long as God is there, he is in control of your past, present, AND future, no matter how much you resist, do you REALLY think your stubbornness can overpower the LORD GOD ALMIGHTY?? Anyways, this sunset really reminded me who I have the great opportunity and blessing to be serving, we as humans are TRULY blessed to be alive today, so let's be happy and joyful for that!
<3 Always,
Rose

Day 55- My Rachel

Hey guys,

     So, I am seriously blessed to have so many amazing people and amazing friends in my life, and Rachel Gutierrez is one of the best! She started as my brothers friend, but through the process of losing him and grieving together, we have become VERY close.

      Rachel is one of those people who know exactly what to say or do when anyone needs help. So many times, she has been there for not only me, but for my family, whether it's babysitting the boys so my parents can go out, taking the boys to the pool, or celebrating birthdays with each and every one of them, she truly has left a mark on their lives, and on mine. I remember after having to say goodbye to one of my dearest friends, as I rode my bike home bawling and completely miserable, I was thinking to myself, THANK GOODNESS that Rachel is at home and the boys will be asleep so we can talk. THAT'S how much I care about her, and she cares about me.

       This summer in particular, it seemed like Rachel never really left...especially in the weeks and days before we left, which just warmed my heart. It's so good to know that while she cares about the boys and wants to spend time with them, she also cares about ME and wants to spend time with ME. When she was over, she always took the time to talk with me and see how I was doing, which means a lot because in a large family, not every kid always gets attention when they need it. She can tell from the look on my face what is going on, and she will NOT let me fall through the cracks.

     Rachel has been there for me through thick and thin, she was there when we got the call that Graham had officially passed, I was there the day she got accepted to Wheaton, and she was there the day I received a $17 thousand dollar scholarship for my first choice school.

     If anyone can understand me, it's her. She completely understands any emotion I might be going through, and she wants to help me through it. That's the cool thing about Rachel, no matter WHO it is, she is always ready and willing to serve others, or to just sit and listen as you pour out your heart.

    Over the course of my senior year, Rachel became one of my closest friends, and one of those friends who I could always go to with everything. Even though we only REALLY knew each other for a year, we have made so many memories, had so many lunch dates, had so many late nights, had so many Skype dates, that I know, no matter WHAT happens, she will always have my back.

     Rachel, words cannot express how much I miss you, or how excited it makes me that I will be visiting you soon. You mean so much to me, almost like a second sister. I will never forget the many hours we spent talking, or the time I spent the morning recording "La Bamba" for you, or the time we went to Lake Michigan together with the Menkes. You will always be a part of me, and you will always have a special place in my heart, you are MY Rachel, and that won't ever change!
<3 Always
Rose

Day 54-Being crafty!

Hey guys,

   So I don't know about you, but for me, doing crafts is a way to relax and distress after a long day. Today, I spent 5 hours making a monogrammed bracelet for my friend, and I just feel so happy now that I have finished it!

<3 Always,
Rose

Day 53- Establishing connections!!!

Hey guys!

    So, today I am happy because I finally feel like I am establishing some legitimate connections here in Lenoir. After going away this weekend with a few of the high schoolers, the girls I was there with were so welcoming and friendly and loving to me. You guys, this means the WORLD. You have no idea how hard it is to go on a weekend trip with people who are essentially strangers(except not as much Adrienne...), especially if you've never gone to a church event without friends! But you welcomed me with open arms from the very beginning, and I SO appreciate that. I so appreciate that on the second day when I wasn't feeling too good, each and every one of the students,(not just the girls!;)) checked in to see how I was feeling. I am so grateful for the fact that we just seemed to "click" from the very beginning, and I am SO looking forward to spending a whole year with you lovely people!

<3 Always,
Rose

Day 51 and 52- CONFERENCE!!!!

Alright guys,

    Yes, I know it's been two days since I've posted, but hey, I have a VERY valid excuse!! I was at a student conference, and like the good christian that I am, I didn't bring my computer because I was TOO BUSY SPENDING TIME WITH GOD! Yeah, can't argue with that... Anyways, so my "happys" for these past two days were the conference, and the people I was at the conference with....for instance, the youth leader and I?...Basically the same person. If you don't beleive me, this is an ACTUAL conversation we had last night...
Adrienne: WHO GOT THE LIGHTS??...I DO, I DO!
5 minutes later...
Rose: Dang it Adrienne, you got that song stuck in my head, now I'm going to have freaky dreams about the flood...
Adrienne: Rose, it's all good, just make sure your either an animal or part of Noah's family...
Rose(really excited): I CALL BEING THE DOVE!!!!!!
Adrienne:....you would.....
Rose: Still, if you see me thrashing around in my sleep, it's because I'm DROWNING!!!!!
Adrienne:....Wait, you're a dove...you can't drown! (Gasps) UNLESS, you get hit by a giant raindrop!!!!
Rose:....I'm gonna sleep awesome tonight....
Then we both just started laughing hysterically....yeah, don't judge our amazingness!! Anyways, so the youth leader and I are like twins, and the girls are amazing too :) I'm exhausted, so this is going to be a shorter post...
Night guys!
<3 Always,
Rose

Day 50-Animansters and we KNOW IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hey guys!

    So, there's no better way to start off a post about choir than this..."When I walk on by, Asians be lookin' like WOAH...they fly! This is how I roll, colorful shirts gone OUTTA CONTROL. We skip to the beat, walkin' down the street in our white shoed fit. AHHHH, hey look at that security pouch...AHHH, hey look at that security pouch....AHHH hey look at that security pouch....WE'RE PREGNANT. When I walk down the street, this is what I see, 41 blueberries a starin at me, we got glasses on our face and we ain't afraid to flash 'em, flash 'em, flash 'em....ANIMANSTERS AND WE KNOW IT!!!!" For those of you who have no idea what Anima is/ have no idea what just happened, I'll explain. Anima is the chorus that I was in in Chicago, the word Anima means breath, soul, life, and spirit(going hardcore Ellsworth style...), and it was basically my life. Two summers ago, I had the great and amazing privilege to travel the world with these lovely people, we spent two weeks traveling to Estonia, Latvia, and Russia. I am so blessed beyond words to have been a part of Anima, because I have not only made so many amazing friends through Anima, but I have had amazing, AMAZING opportunities that most aspiring musicians my age would never dream of having. For instance, I had the opportunity to preform with the Lyric Opera in Chicago, when means that I have preformed on the Opera house stage! I've also traveled to New York, where we preformed at the Alice Tully Concert Hall, we also sang for a newly married bride and groom on top of the Rockefeller Center, and so much more. I am so happy not only for those amazing opportunities, but for the people I shared them with. These people are the most genuine, fun-loving, hilarious, yet musically talented people I have ever met, and I am so grateful for the friends I have made there. I knew from experience at every concert, that if I passed out, someone would catch me, and if they passed out, I would catch them. Now THAT'S friendship. Anyways, my Mom was unpacking a few of her things this morning and she found a newspaper clipping from Tour, AND the program for Lyric, which really got me thinking, I am VERY blessed. I love and miss all my animansters, big and little, old and new, I love you all dearly, and I promise to visit soon!

<3 Always,

Rose

 

Day 49-Job searching!

Hey guys!

     So, I've been in North Carolina for almost 3 months, and I've yet to get a job...it's kind of sad and depressing how broke I am. Anyways, this afternoon, I thought to myself, "Ok, if you can GET PAST the fact that care.com is on TV, and it's SUPER cheesy on TV, it might be your best shot..." So, I decided to take the leap(I've been doing that a lot lately...), and I signed up. I spent the rest of the afternoon applying for job after job, that all sounded like jobs I would really enjoy, and THAT got me excited. That reminded me that I have total freedom work where I want to, and work doing something I ENJOY, and it even pays pretty well. Hopefully I'll be in contact with at least SOME of the families who I applied to, and if not, hey, I'm ok with that!

<3 Always,
Rose

Day 48- So long, long hair!

Hey guys,

    So today was a HUGE milestone for me. Today, I got my haircut for the first time in two years! More importantly(at least for me), is the fact that I got it cut for the first time since Graham died. As silly and insignificant as it might seem, it was hard. It was like my hair, even though it obviously wasn't the same length when he died, was one of the last things that I had of his. It was the last piece of him that I had. Before I go any further, I know, that's not true at all, I know he'll always be with me, and I'll always be with him. But something about that physical cutting of something that I held onto for so long just because I didn't WANT to let go, it was just hard. On the flipside, that haircut to me, was more than a haircut, it was a statement, it was my declaration of Psalm 30:5, "For his anger is but for a moment, his favor is for LIFE, there may be PAIN in the night, but JOY comes in the morning." It was me saying, yes, life happens, life sucks, but life does another thing too, it MOVES ON. I have always found it interesting, especially in these past 18 months that that verse says, "there may be pain in the night, but joy comes in the morning", because even though the process of MOURNING is painful, there IS a light at the end of the tunnel, and it DOES bring joy. So, I believe that it is implied(at least by those who have grieved), "there may be pain in the night, but joy comes in the MOURNING". Today, I am happy and sad, I am proud of myself, and at the same time, I am missing the part of my brother that I held onto for so long. I guess this haircut was just a symbolic reminder to me of how far I've come, and how much God has provided for me, and will continue to provide for me. It's a reminder to hold my head up high, because I'm powering through it, be proud, for what I've accomplished, and in everything and anything I do, do it for the Lord. I have been through trials like no other, and sadness like no other, I've been through loneliness, homesickness, bullying, depression, grief, but look at me now. Even more importantly look at my STORY. Look at how awesomely and how powerfully God reveals himself over and over again to me. I look at these things and know, there IS a God, he DOES love and care about me, this IS his will, and I WILL go to Heaven, but above all, I know that I am TRULY blessed to be called a daughter of the Great I Am!

<3 Always,

Rose

Day 47-Harper Falls!

Hey guys,
    So today, Jack was off of school, so my parents decided to take a trip up to Harper's Creek falls! It is basically a series of many waterfalls and swimming holes that are part of the Wilson creek. What makes Harpers Creek different from the other falls in the series is that this is the only one that is rideable. You heard me, RIDEABLE! So yeah, we had loads of fun with that today!

<3 Always,
Rose