So, many of you may not know this, but I am actually NOT the only performer in the Stevens family. Shane, my eight year old brother is really a star in the making, he loves music of any kind, he loves to sing, he is constantly singing, and he loves to act too! Today, Shane had his first viola concert, and he was terrified. On the way up to Boone, where he was performing, he told us that he was worried he would mess up, and he didn't want to do it. As the only other performer in the family at this point, I had to give him "the talk" that all performers have heard. There are 3 MAIN things that I told him: 1. If you mess up, that's ok, just keep going! The audience doesn't know you messed up! 2. Fake it 'til you make it! This basically means, anything and everything could happen while you're performing, but that doesn't matter. Even if your instructor falls off the stage(let's hope that never happens!), you don't stop! and the last one was a bit harder to tell him, 3. If you want to be a musician, a singer, or an actor, you're going to have to get USED to being on stage.
A big reason why it was so hard for me to tell him that was because I was the same way when I was that age. I loved music and making music and acting, but I didn't like to be on stage, I had stage fright! I remember before one of my very first dance recitals, a lot of us were nervous, and our teacher basically told us, that's part of dance. Not only is it a part of dance, but it's a part of performing! There will come a time later in life where you will have to decide if you can take the pressure of being on stage, or if you want to stop. Even at such a young age,(I think I was maybe 6 or 7?)these words struck me, because I KNEW that this is what I loved to do, but at the same time, I knew that the minute those lights would turn on, everyone would be watching me, and I was pretty freaked out.
Looking back on my stage fright now, I'm not quite sure that it ever FULLY went away, I will still get incredibly anxious about how we will sound as a group, but at the same time, I know that because I've done this so many times, and because when it comes down to it, I'm a performer at heart, I know that I will always give my best performance, no matter what. From the minute my foot hits that stage, it's "go time", I know exactly what I've come there to do! The issue with me is this, most of the time, performing is NOT an individual thing, there is a group of us, and we need to ALL work together to give our best, however, sometimes, people aren't willing to give that, or people are too scared, or too unprepared to give that. At this point, for my perfectionist self, I just have to swallow my pride, and know that I did MY best, no matter what other people decided to do!
Today, as I watched Shane from the audience, white faced and looking absolutely miserable, I fought back tears. I know that this is what I probably looked like 13ish years ago as I prepared for my dance recital. I know that deep down, he is eventually going to have to make a decision; can he take the pressure, or does he need to stop performing? I so wish that there was another option, but quite honestly, there isn't! As I sat there, fighting back tears, I remembered how I felt performing at that age, I remember how absolutely terrified I was, but at the same time, I remember how convinced I was that I didn't EVER want to give up performing! I wanted so badly to jump up there and reassure my brother that he didn't have to do it if he didn't want to, but I knew in the back of my mind, if Mom had done that 13 years ago, and told me I didn't have to perform, I probably would've told her that it's what I wanted to do. Sometimes, what you want to do is scary, but that's ok! I know from watching Shane at his lessons and just around the house in general, he has the drive. He has the same passion for performing that I did when I was his age, and that may change, or it may not, but for right now, I know that no matter HOW scared he is, he is going to go out there and give it all he's got, simply because he loves to perform. Throughout the recital, I had a lot of emotions, my heart broke with sympathy, and with fear for him, but at the same time, my heart swelled with pride to see him up there, out of his comfort zone, and doing it anyways. I'd like to say that he's seen that in me when I'm on stage, but I highly doubt that's actually true, honestly, I'm just glad I have someone in my family who shares my passion!
<3 Always,
Rose
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