Day 168-169: New Year Ringing!

        Hey guys, so these past few days, I've been a bit under the weather, and didn't really have any energy to do much, which has given me a lot of time to think. I think about just how excited I was a year ago today to have the "year of death" end, and for a new slate, I was ready to move on. Then, I think about this year, and about how it met absolutely NONE of my expectations, but I just have to remind myself, am I perfect? Nope. Is God perfect? Yeah. So, as I thought through these past New Years Eve's, here a just a FEW of my many thoughts. 

         Another year over. I remember on New Year's Eve of last year, I was just so eager to start a new year, to have a fresh start, and to leave the horrible things that happened in 2013 IN 2013. Unfortunately, as I sit here a year later and write this, I know that that was wishful thinking, the sadness is still there, the memories are still there, and the pain is still there. Every day, every hour, every minute I miss him, but every day,every hour, and every minute I KNOW he is proud of me. This year has brought so much heartache, loneliness, sadness, and depression, but I have grown SO MUCH in the past 365 days, it is truly unbelievable. God was not done challenging me in my faith after taking Graham almost 2 years ago, but he also had a plan. He has been working in my life since day 1, through those 5 days in the hospital, and through this cross country adventure that we've embarked on. It has been so awesome for me to see how much I've changed since the end of 2013, Each and every struggle that I've faced have only drawn me closer and closer to God, even if it felt like it wasn't. That may seem like a contradiction, but I've seen so many times that those times that I just break down in anger and frustration with God, just wondering "Why? Why does my life have to be so gosh darn difficult?", it is then that he speaks to me and reminds me, God never said it would be easy. Do you think Jesus had a real easy life after being CRUCIFIED ON THE CROSS? Yeah...I don't think so...Anyways, this year has brought me much more joy and happiness than 2013 did, but it also brought me new challenges, challenges that at times I just didn't want to face, challenges that I thought I wouldn't be able to face, challenges that seemed impossible. But, here I am, still standing, I have weathered the storms of the past 2 years, and I have been praising God all the while. It was God that gave me the strength, confidence, and determination to accomplish these challenges that I never thought I could, it was God that gave me the gift of being able to find happiness and joy this year in the midst of all the sadness and homesickness, and it was GOD, that drew my family here, to Lenoir, to the church we go to, to the friends we have, and to this new adventure we have started. So, 2014, you thought you could bring me down?? Well, I am proud to say that as a daughter of the risen king, it takes a heck of a lot more than that to bring me down! " And I will praise you in this storm, and I will lift my hands, for you are who you are, no matter where I am. Every tear I cry, you hold in your hands, you never left my side, and though my heart is torn, I will praise you in this storm."~Casting Crowns. Happy 2015 to all, a new year, a new day, and a fresh start! Remember, when the whole world seems to be crashing down around you as it often does, it may be time that your faith was challenged, so embrace all of these challenges with happiness, they are an opportunity to grow closer to God. "Not only so, but we rejoice in our sufferings, for we know that suffering produces perseverance, perseverance, character, and character, HOPE." (Romans 5:3-5) Let's go 2015!!!

<3 Always,
Rose